when 'more' is not enough

The artwork above is called "Brimful Light", which I completed in 2023 while reflecting on what it means that love “does not insist on its own way”  (1 Corinthians 13: 5 ESV) or that “it is not self-seeking” (NIV). This is one of the 15 characteristics of love described in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8, but it was a particularly difficult one for me to understand. We live in a world that encourages us to do the opposite: to insist on our own way, our rights, our beliefs, our values- what we want- so that we can get what we want. That's how we’re taught to fulfill our innermost desires. That's love, right?

At least for me, it was difficult for me to insist on my own way, even among friends or colleagues. For one, I used to be one of those shy people who didn't quite know how to voice their thoughts or desires. On the other hand, I simply didn’t want to deal with the mess of conflict. So most of the time, I went along with what the other person wanted. So was this love? 

Majority of the time, I was okay with it. I even thought it was love– because I wasn’t insisting on my way. But one day, I found myself deeply upset. I felt like a doormat– trampled on–constantly having to deny my own wants and needs. I realized that in some situations, I wasn’t really being loving; I was just people-pleasing. Was I being unloving, then? Or was I being self-seeking in a different way?

Reflection Question #1: what's your personal view on 'love does not insist on its own way'?

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For those of you who have bought sashimi at a Japanese market before— did you ever wonder why they add a fake green leaf like the one the left, on top of the sashimi? Is it just for decoration?

Let me tell you the secret. It is called baram, and it's added to make the sashimi look fresh. The green color enhances the redness of the fish, making it appear fresher.

In the same way, Brimful Light shows that contrast between Light (Christ) and Darkness (Balaam- yes, I am using a pun right here: Balaam and baram.). Jesus, who did not insist on his way, and Balaam who stubbornly insisted on his way to the end. Darkness only serves to highlight the brightness of the Light. The darker the darkness, the brighter the Light.

Reflection Question #2: Read Numbers 22:15-35. What do you personally think about Balaam? Do you agree/disagree that he was self-seeking? Why?

NOTE: More about Balaam: When you read Numbers 22:15-35, he can appear as a humble prophet in some perspective but knowing these verses that describe him can be helpful: Jude 11, 2 Peter 2:15, 16, and Revelation 2:14. He was a prophet that even used his fellow Israelites for his own personal gain.

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Jesus and Balaam both rode donkeys, but they were heading in completely different directions, with different destination and motives. Balaam insisted on his own way out of greed, while Jesus refused to insist on his own way out of love.

1. Balaam stubbornly insisted on his way, twisting God's word for his personal gain, whereas Jesus obeyed and perfectly fulfilled God's word

In Numbers 22:12, God directly instructs Balaam NOT to curse the Israelites because they are blessed. Balaam received a clear instruction not to go to Balak's place to curse the Israelites. But here's where Balaam gets sneaky. In verse 13, he appears to refuse to go because God told him not to. However, it's very possible he was actually negotiating for more compensation than originally offered. "Yea, God is not letting me go, but if you give me more compensation, then I can go with you." Otherwise, why would they say "...I will surely do you great honor (verse 17)" or "So you, too, please stay here tonight, that I may know what more the Lord will say to me" (verse 19)? Wasn't God pretty clear on His command?

In the contrast, Christ did the opposite. He honored God's word until the very end and fulfilled prophecy to the point of being crucified—nailed to the cross with excruciating pain beyond our imagination.

Reflection Question #3

Have you found yourself negotiating on what God clearly said "no" to? How did that conversation start? There's no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1), but 'in Christ Jesus' we have also been filled (satisfied) by Him (Colossians 2:10). What could change if we can truly believed that we are filled by Him?

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Balaam struck others to force his way, but Jesus was struck by others to bring redemption.

In verse 21, Balaam gets on the donkey and decides to go with Balak, despite the fact that God had clearly told him not to.

The donkey knew that it wasn't the right choice and refused to go forward. Balaam then started hitting the innocent donkey because it did not do what he wanted. God even allowed the donkey to speak to confront Balaam about his wrongdoing, and it appears that he 'repented' (verse 34). However, it seems more like an attempt to escape the situation than genuine repentance, because he continued his way and did not turn back. If he had truly recognized his wrong, he would have turned around— changing both his direction and destination.

Unlike Balaam, Christ did not strike but was struck by those who insisted on their own way. When it comes to dying on the cross, He completely submitted to the Father's will. Christ was struck, rebuked, spat on...

Reflection Question #4

I know there have been times whenI have "struck" others—not physically, but in my heart— when they got in the way of me getting things done. When people aggressively cut me off in traffic, I sometimes feel that same urge to strike back in my heart. What's your story? How does that show our need for Christ?

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Balaam who relentlessly pursued his own selfish desires, which were never satisfied, while Christ generously gave His life for others out of an overflowing love.

If we continue reading. the rest of Numbers 22, we find out how Balaam ends up blessing the Israelites —even against his own will. Since Balaam failed to curse Israelites and could not receive the compensation, he changed his strategy. According to Revelation 2:14, he sought to destroy his fellow Israelites from within. According to Numbers 25:1-3, we know that Balaam succeeded in carrying out this plan. In the end, he reaped what he had sown, being killed by the sword in Joshua 13:22.

While Balaam could not give up his greed, Christ never gave up on love. Even as people were rebuking and struck Him, He did not relent. He literally poured our everything for us until His final breath. All because of His love for us.

Reflection Question #5

The biggest and brightest tree on the left reflects Christ's overflowing love for us. Its colors brims through both heaven and earth, symbolizing that He is the head over every ruler and authority (Colossians 2:10). Do we believe that this love of Christ, the Brimful Light is already been given to us and now dwells within us? That we no longer have to chase the mere reflections that appears as if it can satisfy us?